Thoughts About Straying Politicians, or Will a Wife Ever Spill the Blunt Truth and Are All These Guys Morons?
By John Ross

Copyright 2008 by John Ross. Electronic reproduction of this article freely permitted provided it is reproduced in its entirety with attribution given.

In the past week, various news forums (as well as many stand-up comics) have commented on the fact that just about every time one of our senior elected officials steps on his dick and gets in hot water over some extramarital dalliance, the wife stands stoically by his side at the podium, showing support for her man.

We saw photos of a stone-faced Hillary standing by Bill after the truth about Monica came out. We saw Senator Larry Craig's wife standing fast after Larry's "Minneapolis Airport Men's Room Gettin' to Know You Soft Shoe" routine. We watched a governo's wife stand bravely by his side as he confessed that he's gay and had been carrying on with a male aide. And now we see a shell-shocked Silda Spitzer standing at the side of her husband as the media relates his exploits with a call-girl service, including dates, times, prices, ages, and physical descriptions of the girls.

All of these articles express bafflement that the wives always appear to meekly submit to this public humiliation. More than one female commentator (or comedian) has said "If that was me up there, I'd be screaming 'You jerk, I'm getting the house!'" I'm waiting for one of these supposedly humiliated women to show true bravery and tell the unvarnished truth. What do you suppose the public reaction would be if on national television we got the following exchange?

Reporter: Mrs. __________, do you have anything to say about all of this?
Supposedly Humiliated Wife: Yes, I do, and I'm glad you're giving me the chance to say something that other wives in my situation have thus far avoided saying.

My husband has been loving, kind, and generous to me ever since we met. He has been a wonderful father to our children, and a faultless provider to our entire family. He has supported all of the family's dreams, and has been there for us whenever we needed him. There is no person I'd rather talk to or be with. The love I feel for my husband today is stronger than it was the day we married, because of all he has done for us over the years.

What has changed these past decades is that my desire for physical intimacy has declined substantially, while my husband's has not. I have enough women friends who have been married as long as I have to know that this is quite common, possibly the norm with married couples. Do you think a man who has been as good to his family as mine has deserves to be deprived of one of his most basic needs for the rest of his life, just because his wife isn't interested any more? I don't.

I am very sorry that this private matter had to be brought out in such a public way, but maybe after hearing me tell the truth about all of this, the next time a supposedly humiliated political wife has to stand on this podium, she'll have an easier time of it.

Reporter: So you don't intend to leave your husband?
Supposedly Humiliated Wife: Are you out of your mind?
Reporter: Er…aren't you upset about...the amount of money he spent on these other women?
Supposedly Humiliated Wife: I've spent more of his earnings than that on shoes.

Reporter: Uhhh...
Call me a dreamer, but I'd love to see the public reaction to that interview...

Where these wives have good cause to be furious at their husbands is for the husband jeopardizing his career (and thus the family's security) by making monumentally stupid decisions in the course of getting some nookie. I can imagine Hillary Clinton throwing a lamp at Bill while delivering this harangue:

"You idiot! Did you think a 20-year-old girl from California could possibly have sex with the President of the United States and not tell her friends? When the public reads the Starr Report and finds out their President can't even control one of his interns, and has to get one of his crony-ass buddies to give her a job to get her out of his hair, how much faith do you think they're going to have in that President's ability to deal with, oh, say, RED CHINA? My God you are an imbecile! Why the fuck didn't you get your glad handle lip-whipped by someone who knows the game and has as much to lose as you do, like Eleanor Mondale?”

And Silda Spitzer:

"You idiot! You spend years pissing off financial institutions with your anti-money-laundering crusade and then you go and pull enough cash out of the banks that it triggers an investigation of you? Are you a complete moron?

"And $4300? Are you insane? Don't any of your Ivy League buddies work as commodities traders? Why couldn't you call one of them up and get the number of the local Circuit Madam, who operates only by word-of-mouth referrals? You could have all the cute, clean, 20-year-olds you want for $400 a session, and since they're on the Circuit and all from out of state, they wouldn't recognize your New York mug.

"Instead, you have the banks rain down this shitstorm on us because you had to take out all that cash for 'The Emperor's Club'. Don't you know the bigger the operation and the more it advertises, the more likely it will be discovered? Do the words Heidi Fleiss mean anything to you? The Governor of New York went to a call girl ring that uses local girls and advertises? Did you get a lobotomy one day while I was out playing tennis?"

Anyway, that’s my take...

John Ross 3/13/2008

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